A Daft Sense of Humour
Although what turned into The Dreaded Hippotigerdile was the first story that Dennis wrote for his grandson when he and his mum moved from Bournemouth to the Isle of Wight, nothing better demonstrates the daft sense of humour they shared than this letter Jai received when he was six years old and had just come out of hospital after yet another bout of pneumonia. It completely cracked him up!
“Well, now, I’d better write to Whatsisname. Used to write quite regularly at one time. Poems, even. Must have thought I was crackers. At least he doesn’t have to put up with that any more. Wonder what he does these days? On holiday now, of course. Probably listens to his tapes or reads his comics, I suppose.
Has to listen out for young Lara, too, of course. That must be quite a job, I expect. He’s got lots of games to play; that takes a bit of time. Maybe they all go out in the car to see different parts of the Island. Funny thing about the Island –
Sometimes when I go down to the beach it seems so close that I could easily swim across. And other times it seems so far away that I can hardly see it. Maybe it floats and goes in and out with the tide. That would be a lark. They could wake up one morning and find that they are just off the coast of Africa. Or maybe Iceland. Just imagine waking up not knowing whether you are going to see lions or penguins in the front garden. Of course, they could come too far in with the tide and find that they have blocked up Southampton Water so that none of the ships outside can get in and none of the ships inside can get out.
Like to buy a ship? Going cheap. Tied up at Southampton, twelve miles from the sea. Just a minute, I’ll move the Isle of Wight out of the way on the next tide. Oh, dear. It’s stuck. Oh, what a pity! What’s that? Give you your money back? No, of course I won’t give your money back. Not my fault if the Isle of Wight is stuck on the end of Southampton Docks. Yes, I’m afraid you have lost all your money. Oh, dear me. Oh, I am sad. What a pity.
Of course, it could be just the opposite. ‘Now here is a warning to shipping. The Isle of Wight has disappeared from its normal position just off the South Coast and was last seen proceeding down the English Channel in the direction of Patagonia. Will anyone who sees it please report to the nearest Coast Guard as there are several large gas bills unpaid, not to mention a very big amount outstanding at the local off-licence.’
Anyway, I can’t muck about here all day. Better write to Whatsisname.
Dear Whatsisname,
Sorry I can’t write to you today, I’ve got to go and have my tea.
Love,
Grandad.
XXXXXXX
P.S. Please find enclosed two quid for Beer and Fags”
Charity, Book, Author, Children's book, Hippotigerdile